two in the pink and one in the stink

Tuesday! Feb 28! Last day of February!

Well, I'll just get right into it, I'm sure you're intrigued by the title of this post.

This conversation took place yesterday. At night. In the living room. The fire was going. Romantic as hell.

Unfortunately, I can't remember how this topic came up. That's bad, because it makes it look like I refer to "the shocker" all the time, which I do not, but for some reason Maryam and I were speaking and "the shocker" was referenced.

L-"Blablabla, the shocker."
M-"What's the shocker?"
L-"You know, the shocker. Two in the pink and one in the stink."

Maryam pauses and then thinks for a minute. Finally:
M-"TWO IN THE VAGINA AND ONE IN THE ANUS?"
L- Laughter. "Um, yes."
M-"Why would anyone ever like that?"
Silence.
M-"Why would they? Do you know?"
Silence.
M-"Just tell me!"

Man, that was one of the greatest moments that our apartment has ever seen. You got more questions Maryam? Just let me know! Happy to help!

Friends Are Important Things to Have

The ladies in the rear--Adrienne, Maryam, and I--we have friends. Yep, that's right. We gots friends.

One of these "friends" is a lady by the name of Stacy. If you thought of Stacy from The Baby-Sitters Club when you hear her name, well then, you are just like me, because that is what I think of every time that I talk to her.

She's a fashion maven too, just like the character. No diabetes though!

So our friend Stacy--whom we have known just as long as we have known each other--has her own website. Before you get excited though, let me warn you: it's not a blog, it's just a website.

I realize that a website is not as cool as a blog, but shhhh! Don't tell Stacy that!!!

But, you should feel welcome/encouraged/forced to check out her mad cool brilliant website!

http://students.depaul.edu/~spratt/

If you are like me, then you love crossword puzzles! And if you don't love them, then that is your own problem! Not my problem! Yours!

We love Stacy!

Mostly because she reads our blog. If she didn't, then we would cut her in an alley.

Any alley, anywhere.

Love ya gurrrl! BFF 4 life!

Yell at me if you want, I am a terrible person. I haven't updated in THIRTEEN DAYS. You know what happens in thirteen days in the rear? A hell of a lot.

Hey wait though. I've got excuses. I got my wisdom teeth out, so I haven't even been in the rear that much. And, the Olympics are on, so that's eating up a lot of my time. I'm like super busy.

Damn. I'm trying so hard to think of what's been going on with us.

Ok, so the people that moved in upstairs? We think they are douches. Sorry to be so crass, but if you throw a big party, decline to invite us, and then let people puke off of your balcony down into OUR backyard and then never clean it up...well, you are a douche.

Adrienne and I tried to watch Saturday Night Live together on Saturday, but we couldn't, cause of the Olympics. So much for bonding.

Speaking of the Olympics, I'm not even going to get into the Michelle Kwan situation. If I do, I'm going to get emotional, and then you are going to ask me if I am being serious or joking, and then I am going to say "AM I SERIOUS??? OF COURSE I'M SERIOUS!!" And then you are going to laugh because you still think that I am joking, and I am going to get really offended and then you are going to get mad or feel bad or something, I don't know. And it won't be pretty. So let's not do that, ok?

Other than that though, this Olympics has been pretty enjoyable. I've never been one for ice dancing, but I've really been enjoying that. Don't ask me what I think about Lindsey Jacobellis, because I am sick of answering that question. I thought Johnny Weir was robbed. Bode Miller, who cares?

I am going to ask Adrienne a question:

L-"A, have you watched the Olympics at all?"
L-"A?"
L-"Adrienne?"

She's not answering me. That's lame. I love her though.

We all got each other gifts for Valentines Day. You know candy, socks, etc. Great girls, really, just the best.

A-"Stop screaming my name, what do you want?"
L-"Oh, I just wanted to ask you if you had been watching the Olympics lately?"
A-"Do I look like a loser?"
L-"A loser? But I watch the Olympics."
A-"Let me rephrase the question."
L-"Ok, thanks."
A-"Do I look like a TOTAL loser?"
L-"That was harsh. Look at the tv, this is ice dancing, it's great."
A-"Yeah, like I really need to watch a bunch of foreign old people skating around to the Phantom of the Opera, with you cutting in every two seconds to tell me some random and totally useless fact about their childhoods. No thanks, the f-ing Olympics isn't for me."

Fun fact about Lindsay: she is a total loser.

I have not hung out with Maryam in ages. I really miss her. The rear has been so lonely lately. I can't remember the last time that someone came to hang out with us. Andrew came over a few days ago, but that was only to take back his casserole dish. No one wants to play anymore.

We are having serious shower curtain problems. I don't know what to do anymore, the damn thing just won't stay up.

I want to write more, I really do. But ice dancing just got really, really good. And so I got to go. More later, I will really try.

I am an Olympics junkie, and I need my fix. Sorry kids.

We Call Each Other Babe Now

Happy Feb, y'all.

Wow. What a week it's been.

Right now Adrienne is telling me about her obsession with hot dogs. Please, like I didn't already know that.

These are the only things that Adrienne eats:
hot dogs
cheerios
peanut butter
noodles
ice cream
cookie dough
cookies
bananas
fajitas
roast beef
turkey
mashed potatoes
toast
pizza

That's it. That's all folks.

You know what though? I say kudos. That's right, kudos. Kudos to Adrienne for finding a plan and sticking to it. You don't like tacos? Then don't eat them babe! Ya got the right idea!

I, on the other hand, will eat pretty much anything.

Maryam has attributed this to my being "easygoing."

M-"You just don't care, you'll put anything in your mouth."
L-"Now hold the phone there, I do not like the sound of that."
M-"Yeah, you're right, that sounded bad."
L-"I know, I don't want anyone thinking that I like to eat Hot Pockets, because I do NOT like Hot Pockets."

It's true y'all. I can't stand them.

So. Did anyone go to a Super Bowl Party? We didn't. But we did get invited to one!

The boys next door, the ones who left us the note, left us ANOTHER note on Sunday.

That's right, another note!

This one said, "Flip Cup Starts at 3."

When I returned home from work at 4:30, their party was already in full swing, but I was tired y'all! I needed to take a little nap, so I did. But when I woke up, I still didn't feel like going over there. Neither did Adrienne. So we didn't go.

Man, we felt like jerks!

So we wrote them another note. This one said:

Misters,

Sorry we didn't attend your ragin fiesta, it looked bitchin! We wanted to come, but all of our hooded sweatshirts were in the wash.

Love,
Us

Man. We're going nuts with the notes.

I was going to post way more, but, silly me, I'm pretty forgetful.

One last conversation, this one's a gem:

M-"Give me more of the blanket, you're hogging it all."
L-"I barely even have a corner, if I give you any more I won't have any blanket at all."
M-(grabs blanket and pulls) "Then I guess you won't have any blanket at all."
L-"Maryam!"
A-"Lindsay, shut your mouth. That's Maryam's blanket anyways."
L-"My friend made me this blanket, it's mine. "
M-"Lindsay, don't you want to try to romance me a bit before V-Day? I'm not just going to automatically be your date."
L-"I never even said that I wanted you to be my date, you're the one who forced yourself on me."
M-"Forced myself on you? That's not what you said when I went down to your room last night."
L-"No means no. "
M-"You know you wanted it."
A-"Lindsay, get your ass down to the basement and clean up a little. It smells like fish down there. When you're done, wait silently cause we are coming for you."
L-(crying) "You guys scare me. I want to go home."
A-"This is your home now. Welcome home."

Wow man, here's the truth. I love those girls. But sometimes they scare me.

(But sometimes I scare myself too.)

Goodnight blog! Love ya!